I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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