Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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