I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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