Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
