Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
