Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
