lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
