We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
