maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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