Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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