She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
