Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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