I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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