Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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