Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
