Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize