Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
