She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
