Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
