the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
