do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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