can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
