new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize