Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
