i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
