After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
