Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
