i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize