I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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