The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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