Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
