But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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