fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize