The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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