Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
