dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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