A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
