I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
