he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
