I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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