well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize