She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
