I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
