Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
