I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can text with my tongue
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
