I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I understand Curling. That high.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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