I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
