I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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