He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my poor anus
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
