He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize