Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
