do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
