i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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