Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
