You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
