I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
