i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
