Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
