Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
