I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
