Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
