She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
