He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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