you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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