seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
