in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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