your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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