The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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