He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
