420 ftw
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
