I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
