There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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