Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
