Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
