mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize