i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Panties = found
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
