haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize