please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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