I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
