I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize