i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
