Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
