i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
