can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
