You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
