i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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