I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Its about making memories worth repressing
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
