Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
