I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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