there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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