Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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