My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize