How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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