Don't you send me to vm
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
