You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
