Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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