Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
