Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you never un-have a 4some
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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