I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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