When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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