I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
