sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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