By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
