Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
