i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
