Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
