I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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