the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
