I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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