Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
