bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
