I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
